Strength In Pain

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

It’s crazy when you feel that exact moment when you just don’t give a fuck anymore.

When you’ve been hurt so much, too often something in you will snap.

When that happens, you become numb, you end up not giving a single fuck anymore.

You care about me? Cool.

You love me? Cool

You need me? Cool.

You’re mad at me? Cool

I seriously do not fucking care anymore.

- Broken.

The only people to blame are the ones that caused you so much pain, and confusion.

The REAL person to blame, is yourself. You let this happen, your heart was too kind, your mind spoke freely. For what? For THEM not to care at that moment.

Then once you’ve finally had enough, and once you finally are okay with letting go because you feel nothing. That’s when they decide to care.


- Cool. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m here too..

You know one thing I’ve learned while learning to be alone is..


You’re expected to be okay by everyone else.

You’re expected to put on that smile, give out that positivity.

Nobody wants to hear what happened, nobody wants to hear the sadness you carry… nobody wants to be put down from telling my experience.

You’re expected to be there.

I know, I know I don’t HAVE to be there for anyone, I’ve been given this beating, yet aching heart and I use it to care for others more than I have for myself.

When it’s just me and this beating heart, we’re mean to each other, but when it’s me, this beating heart and someone else were the nicest, most caring you’ve ever met.

You’re expected to fake it.

You’re there for others, but how often can someone just be there for you…once.

A walk, a talk on the phone, a movie, just something so I know that maybe I don’t have to feel like this.

But I do… feel.. alone.

That’s the whole point of healing to be by yourself, right?

I didn’t think alone actually meant alone.

I thought it was making new connections, hearing different understandings, seeing different perspectives…

But nobody sees yours.

All you can say is… that’s okay.

All you can say is.. no I’m okay!

All you can do is… be there.

When you’re silently suffering from just needing someone to hear you, to see you, to show you.

Maybe this is it..

“The one that didn’t want to feel… alone.”

that-bipolar-mood
that-bipolar-mood

If you wish you were manic read this:

  • The consequences will be disastrous
  • You may lose your job/get bad grades
  • You will yell at people
  • You will lose friends/quarrel with family
  • The money you spend won't just reappear
  • You will neglect basic hygiene
  • Manic episodes physically hurt your brain
  • You will struggle with cognitive issues for a long time even after the episode passes
  • You can get imprisoned
  • After you come out of an episode you will be ashamed and guilty
  • It's not worth it
  • Fall in love with your stability
  • Mania can be good at first but you know what happens later
  • You can't stop a full blown episode
  • Psychosis
  • Paranoia
  • Narcissism